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Jay Walking

Jay Walking - Jacques N. Hoff 3.25

Jay has anger issues and he’s sort of--no, let me correct--he’s an asshole. Has beaten up perps without any regrets even if that causes problems to the city, and courts. Self-restraint is neither in his vocabulary nor in his actions, and he resents the fuck out of having to watch people break the law by jaywalking, since after all, he's a disreputable detective.

Enter our other hero. Simon is a short, geeky hipster (glasses and all) dressed in a cardigan, button down shirt, conservative jeans and neat, lace-less Converse (runs to throw away Son#2 gray Converse). Simon, our jaywalker, thinks he’s being picked up by Jay who has gone in stalker-mode. He’s also the owner of a bird store called “Bird in Hand.” I didn’t see that one coming… Incidentally, Simon loves puns. After a while, I don’t. And he’s also completely fascinated by birds and the possibility of bird shifters. Their courtship includes bobbing, preening, screeching, and the ever-no-fail, fanning (no pun intended) of tail. This brought a tear to my eye because the ex used to do the same. And as poor Jay, prances and dances to the sound of The Watusi, he made a swan dance and almost conked his toes. This pun thing is catching.

Nevertheless, Simon takes his birdie home, on which said birdie shifts into a naked man, leaving Simon speechless. After Jay tries to explain about mates, he proceeds to get some action. And he does. But then Simon kicks him out cuz he can’t believe that an educated man like him (he has a Masters, doncha know!) would have done “that” with this brute. Jay left, blue balls and all. At this point I wondered if blue Jays had blue balls or balls at all. Pity, I had never been into bird watching, but Wikipedia said they do. Inside. Near the kidneys. Bean-shaped.

You’re welcome.

Still, this little gem of a story is a little bit silly and a lot of fun. It’s a case of opposites attract with multiple bird puns, a serious case of instant lust to love, a deepening characterization with a hero that’s quick to judge and the other quick to fuck up, and a bit of sex. What else could a girl, a boy or a bird want? A sequel for UC Peckers.